THE CONNECTION LOSING TO WIN #4

LOSING TO WIN #4

THE CONNECTION

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Years of investigation revealed the structure of the heart without presenting a cure to loss’ devastating effects.  I often cried out to God to show me the way but my hopes for recovery remained frustrated.  I remember telling my wife that if the Bible is what it claims to be, the solution has to be in it, somewhere.  (2 Timothy 3:16 & 17)  

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I knew Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” (John 14:5)  However I took His statement to mean He was the agent directing me to the way.  His description of the role His Father intended Him to play on Earth was that of a healer.  At the beginning of His ministry Jesus announced, “…he hath sent me to heal the broken-hearted.” (Luke 4:18 KJV) He was obviously the Great Physician.  However; with the arrival of His Holy Spirit, He became more than a doctor of the broken-hearted.  He became the actually medication.

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I wondered, “How can I have been such a mess for the past five years while the medicine was in me the whole time?”  Two decades earlier I had been born again.  Without a doubt He was alive inside me.  According to my drawing He and I had a Spirit to spirit connection.  A personal connection with God ought to provide ample power to straighten the erratic orbits of any soul.  Why then, didn’t God simply circumvent my inadequate will power and automatically heal my broken-heart?

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Allow me to address that dilemma before discussing the cure.  Much like our physical sight, our spiritual focus is mono-directional.  We see only what we fix our spiritual view on. (Psalms 25:15 & Hebrews 12:2)  The human spirit can set its focus on only one thing at a time.  To view the needs of the soul, our spirit turns outwardly, away from its central location where God’s Spirit connects with our spirit.  Therefore during the grief of loss, our spirit loses focus on the Holy Spirit.  It is, as if, we have our back to His Spirit.

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We often feel God is absent when a loss or a catastrophic event disturbs our minds and our emotions.  The Bible assures us that He will never unplug our connection. (Romans 8:38 & 39)  God also promises that He will never leave or forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5 & Deuteronomy 31:6) Furthermore the Bible promises that God will never turn away those who seek Him with their whole heart. (Jeremiah 29:13)  We, who are connected, can be confident that He will not pull the plug on His connection with us.   

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Nevertheless, the experience of God’s abandonment is a real sensation of the heart.  I call it False-Separation.  The feelings are real.  The actual fact is false. False-separation automatically produces a “double-minded” soul.  The emotional-half feels an absence while the rational-half knows better.  Thus the person is “unstable in all his ways.”  When the loss is great or the catastrophe is severe, false-separation creates an unmanageable situation for the spirit.  Not only does the spirit lack the energy resources to force reunification of the two halves but while focused on the soul the “eyes” of our spirit cannot see the Holy Spirit connected within.

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The unstable soul bombards the spirit with inordinate desires from their spheres including; power, pleasure, riches, and fame.  The desperate spirit may choose to focus on one of these as it seeks to calm the inner chaos.  This personality turmoil is common in both Christians and non-Christians.  The nominal or non-Christian may even set their focus on some kind of spiritual substitute.  The dynamics of loss does not discriminate.  Every one depends on something extra in their life to “lift” their spirit’s vitality in order to hold them together and thrive.  Any of us could latch onto a trial solution or even an addictive quick fix when our source of extra adopted energy appears to be inadequate or thought missing. Usually the trial solutions are something bigger, better and longer lasting.  However, the human heart is actually built to be satisfied with only the biggest and the best which is eternal.  That of course is God.  When God is in the center of the heart He produces no regrets, shame, or addiction like other solutions.

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In my case, I complicated the issue by allowing church ministry to crowd into the center of my heart.  And it was extremely addicting.  There are many “holy” spirit-fillers.  It could have been any God-focusing distraction: a Christian cause, a campaign for righteousness, our denominational liturgy, a church creed, some Biblical controversy, adherence to church culture.  Any of these or others can crowd into the spot reserved within the heart for God’s connection.  There is one remedy for them all.  That remedy is our perception that God is alive in our heart.

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There is a scripture that guided me before my “falling-apart”  and then took on added significance afterwards; 

    “Therefore this is what the lord says: If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy, not worthless words, you will be my spokesman.  Let this people turn to you but you must not turn to them.”  Jeremiah 15:19 (NIV)

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As I originally entered professional ministry the captivating words in that passage were those italicized above.  The words that echo in my spirit now are those I placed in bold type…“repent” and “turn”.  Both of those words are actually the same Hebrew word, KAL.  All three carry the concept of turning around.   

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Repent has two meanings.  Unfortunately, I accepted the least important one.  It does mean to forsake or turn away from sin.  However turning away from sin cannot be successful without our spirit first turning toward God.  Emphasizing turning away from sin is an empty exercise if there is not a turning toward God.  If repentance is turning away from sin, then managing the sin is our job.  That assumes that if we really want to and tried hard enough we could just turn away from sin, at will.  When we find that it doesn’t work that way we either quit trying or think we must try harder.  But repentance is first and foremost one of the lightest burdens we will ever carry. (Matthew 11:30) For the Christian or non-Christian the required action is not to exert more human energy but to rotate our spirit’s focus in the direction of God’s Holy Spirit inside us. It is God and His Spirit’s power that transforms or weak will into a force more then sufficient to the task of managing our demanding soul.  It is merely turning to face the living God within.

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That turning of our spiritual eyes toward Jesus’ Spirit is our side of the two-way connection…Spirit to spirit.   A. W. Tozer called that process, “inwardly gazing Godward” which is the remedy for the confusion and pain of loss.  The problem is not actually sin but the blinders of a diverted focus that permits pain to corrupt.  Furthermore, painful emotions and the “worthless words” of negative thoughts are not the problem either.  Those disturbances of our soul are intended to be an alarm.  They warn us that we have turned away and need to repent.  Turning, or should I say returning, my spirit toward God’s Spirit within held the promise of a restored and satisfied heart.

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In conclusion, the underlying problem of loss as well as other life altering tragedies is our diverted consciousness from God’s spiritual connection.  The distraction of grief, accompanied with the perception that God is absent, sends our spirit restlessly searching for wholeness.  Like many of us who get locked in loss’ confusion and pain, I needed to repent (to turn around) and look at God within.  Refocusing on God satisfies our hunger for wholeness.

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However the turning and refocusing were not unconscious reflexes for me.  I was not sure “what” I was actually supposed to see or how to look inside my spirit for “it”.  I feel there must be others with those same questions.  Therefore I intend to share the process refocusing that brought God’s restoration to my heart.  The next LOSING TO WIN entry called “Seeing God Within” will address those issues.